Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Weight of Love

 Today I caught a that had me in tears at the footstool of the throne  This momentary glimpse was of the Glory of the Lord and the weight it carries.   Over the last several years I have envisioned many times that the Glory of God is like a magnificent light  and sound and holiness to be the purity that surrounds and runs through it.  Then I would think about how someday when I have the opportunity to meet the Lord, that I will find myself falling beyond my knees face down in awe, wordless, in an honoring beyond imagination posture.   I have also thought of the weight of my sins and how Yeshua carried them for me.  The weight of my actions and heart have often sent me crying to Him in repentance.  I thought of the forgiveness and love that God gives in the "yoke is easy and burden is light" and "the joy of the Lord is our strength" truths.   But today, I have experienced something new... a deeper level.

Many times I have been described by others as not knowing how to say the word "no" to people:  As overextending myself in too many directions.  But at the core of who I am, I know that I have always done what I have, not for anyone other than my Lord, King, Savior, and Shield.  I have not served anyone for their benefit alone.  In fact, just as I love the Lord first and my husband is the reasoning behind serving others.  I do it mainly because I so radically love Yeshua (Jesus) and then out of the love He has supplied me I give to others.  I have never said yes to something I couldn't handle and I have said no to things that God has given me a check about jumping in to.

So what does this have to do with today and the revelation I have had?  Because I realized that for me, Kelly, it is just easier for me to serve than to be served.  It is easier for me to give than to be given too, it is easier for me to bless than to be blessed and it is way easier for me to love than to be loved.  It is amazing how your weaknesses can be so genuinely built in your heart to love Him with all your might, soul, and strength.   Yet, in my constant search for His refining He has challenged me in a heart shaking kind of way again.

Today.... today I felt the weight of His love even more.  I like to believe that I felt one tiny fraction of what I will experience when I come face to feet with Him.  I nearly crumbled into pieces on the floor under the weight of His love.  I have experienced mind changing loving tender moments from our Abba (who has no doubt given many hours of hard growth) but something was different about today.  I spent three years actively studying and meditating on the Love of God and yet today, years later, I catch a much more full picture of what that really means.

I will write another day on the description of my understanding but for now I just needed an outlet that will in some way give Him praise for the revelation He has given to me.

God's love and blessings are not just light and fluffy things that float around and land on us like butterflies; it is real, tangible, life altering, and soul restoring and I pray that each one of my family and friends continue as I have..... thinking that you have good wisdom on the knowledge of Lord and then in a moment He drops the next level on you and again you find yourself changed from the inside out.

Lord, may you never cease to work in me and may You be forever exalted!

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